Haha... it's self realization time.

I have realized that I have driven everyone away by being who I am and not in that 'oh, I'm so tortured and don't want people to find out' kind of a way either.

Nah, this is I get hurt by someone who meant [means] the world to me and I expect there to be people on the other side of it all waiting there with open arms to comfort me, people to tell me it's okay, people to sleep with, people to care, people to numb me and all that btu that's not the case. The fact is that I have driven everyone away because I am a wreck. I am a bitch. I hurt everyone around me and then am suprised when there is no one there for me. Or maybe not too suprised when I realize that I fuck with people far too often to expect sympathy or anything like that.

Suprised when they have girlfriends.
Suprised when he's in love with a bitch.
Suprised when a guy I've fucked with for years turns away.

I don't know... Suprised about everything.
I need to find me some comfort, some relief.

Problem is that when you have a scar on your body from a boy who likes cuts it's somewhat pointless to do more of that sort of damage to yourself to relieve the hurt he's done.

[not that you didn't deserve it in the first place]