I went to see Pirates of the Carribian with Patchy today (more about the movie later) and it really sucked coz he just WOULDN'T touch me! Like I strocked his hand or put my hand on his leg or whatever and he didn't push me away or anything he just didn't respond. It sucked. When I'd been talking to him yesterday he'd said that he was gonna go to the movie, watch it then leave, as in not go anywhere with me afterwards or whatever. But after the movie we went to Maccas together. It's confuzzling coz like he didn't push me away and he flirted and we had a couple of mini play fights but he didn't do anything. Grrrrrr, he even... erm... reacted... ::cough::... to my hand on his thigh but still he didn't touch me. He just WOULDN'T. And I'd been really careful to cover my left arm (more about that after I write about the movie) so it can't have been that ::sigh:: Who the fuck knows with Patchy. I tried to ask him about it:

Lauren says:

what was up with u 2day?

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

this is boring ima go play a game bye bye

Then he went offline (his screen name is a quote from the movie)

The movie... it was so fucking triggering! That is basiclly all there is to say about, but as always I'll say more ::grins:: It was fairly average, perhaps slightly above

---Oh look, he's online--

average, I dunno

--Now he's offline--

really. I mean there was lots of violence, much of it grotuatious [sp???]. But seriously! So damned triggery. Argh. But then I'm triggered constantly anyway lately so who the fuck cares.

Which brings me to... my left arm ::da da daaaaa:: Last time I wrote saying that I was gonna curl up in bed and cry with Linkin Park and a blade. I did curl up in bed with a blade and LP... but I didn't - couldn't - cry. Kinda sucked really. But I cut far far too much. It is 2 days later and it still hurts so much (not complaining) and they're all so ugly, the cuts, except for the ones that are in the center of my wrist, they are beautiful and delicate, like cuts should be. Beautiful, delicate and dangerous.

I bought a lighter yesterday in town. Maybe I won't cut so much if I can burn a bit. See, I just need to get some skin surface back on my left forearm. Ah, the wide world of self mutilation.

Which reminds me... The other day mum bought some clothes for me and most of them were short or 3/4 sleeved tops, long story short I acted strangly. Yesterday I went and exchanged them, but ANYWAY, mum was talking to me and she's like "you acted weirdly with those clothes, I was thinking about and there was something I wasn't s'posed to see on your arms, right?" I just said yeah, nothing serious. And she said something like "good good". Heh, nothing serious. I guess it isn't really anything serious, I mean, if it was anything serious, then I wouldn't want to do anymore... right? Coz I do wanna do more, so so badly. And I can even use my chest now that nothing is happening with Brady and Patchy don't give a shit. Oh, and that I have, once again, realized that nothing is gonna happen with Jared since I think he still likes Angela which is actually all good with me

--he's back online--

coz now I've met her and she's really cool... they're good for each other. Heh... I am speaking like my opinion matters, but they do to me.

Yesterday I went from when I got up till 5:30 pm without eating, strange, I know, but I just wasn't hungry. I was looking at myself in the mirror yesterday morning when I got out of the bath and I came to the conclusion that I look better when I can't see ALL of my ribs. Radical, I know.

Ok, talking to Patchy...

Lauren says:

ahk, gotta ask anyway.... was i having a ugly day or sum'ing?

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

no, y?

Lauren says:

coz u wouldnt hold mah hand in the mmovie or nething

Lauren says:

i no tht sounds pathetic lol

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

thats over

Lauren says:

yeah, but it never meant nething anyway

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

so

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

its over now which means no more which means its stopped

Lauren says:

ok, sorry

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

oky doky

Lauren says:

jst outta curiosity... since wen?

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

since a few weeks ago

Lauren says:

ok... nice of u 2 tell me

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

ok i thought it was clear remember the conversation 'haha im over you'

Lauren says:

yeah, but u always joke about shit like tht

Lauren says:

sorry, i fuck off now

An island that cannot be found but by those who know where it is says:

yea ok

------------------------------

Why am I upset? (sorry to copy all of that out by the way). Actually, am I upset? Fuck knows, but I know I've lost him now... it's over.

::stunned silence::