Ok, home sick today... Kinda sucks coz I feel really really weak, like about to faint or aomething at any moment, but I've never fainted by myself and I'm not about to start now.

I remembered what else I wanted to say yesterday... I wasn't doing PE (as per usual) and neither was Becca D so we were sitting and chatting (this chick, Charlotte, who I don't really like, but who prolly wouldn't repeat what she heard was also not doing PE, but we ignored just her) and we got to the topic of self-injury, as we always do. And so I showed her my arm and she was really shocked, like she was saying that it is really bad and terrible and shit. And it made me feel so ick. :/ Like, I know that it isn't exactly petty stuff but I don't like to think that it's so bad that it's a problem or something. I dunno...

A while ago Jared said that I seem so anti getting better (better? I can't think of a more appropriate way of putting it so I'll leave it as that) so I asked Becca about that too and she agreed.

That kinda really pisses me off, not that they said that but that it's true. I mean... it's not like I wouldn't wanna get better if I had a reason or something... Like I've barely cut for the last couple of weeks coz I'm happy and I have a good reason to be happy. I was talking on Messenger to that reason yesterday and I told him that I hadn't been cutting coz of him and he said that I didn't have to do that... I said that I know I don't have to but that I grab every oppurtunity to stop that I can to not do it. That's mostly true... but the main thing is that I am happy.

Yes...

I am happy.

How fucked is that?

I fully expect the world to end or something. I hope it doesn't, I kinda like this happiness thing.

i wonder if this is how life is for the "normal" people. Like do they all see more than depressed people? Do they have this happy feeling inside them? Can the cut up a carrot without wanting to put the knife through their flesh (actually, I know they do that one)? Do they look at other people and see good things without feeling jealous? Can they listen to people's problems and give an impartial sortta opinion thing without judging the person and without thinking bad things?

Or is it just me?