I've been in town all day. I saw so so many people I know but I didn't talking to most of them and next to none of them noticed me, but that's all good. I was at a pharmacy and I didn't feel like shoplifting another hair thinny thing (besides, I'd already taken 2 pencil sharpeners from Whitcoulls) coz those are such a challenge for only 2 blades (even if they are really good blades) and I didn't wanna buy them coz they're real expensive so I looked for like refills or something, like just plain blades... anyway, I found these little packets of 5 single sided razor blades in little wax paper envelopey thingys for $2.80 per packet (which is like $1.35 American), so I bought 3 packets of them. 15 little perfect blades, 2 new pencil sharpener blades, one old one and the 2 blades form the hair thinner thing in the bathroom. Yay.

I still feel totally useless. It sucks.

Physically I am getting better, I ate a mince pie yesterday and felt fine, I also had chocolate. Yum, chocolate.

What does this say about me: I was talking to my friend on Messenger on Wednesday night and she was really suicidal and I didn't take her seriously. Next day i read in her diary that she took a whole bunch of pills. I couldn't help her. I didn't know what to say. Now I feel guilty as fuck. I know it sounds selfish of me to be saying that but it's how I feel, like it'd be my fault if she had died. Now I don't even want to talk to her for fear of saying something wrong. It is so pathetic.

Johnny Cash died last night, aged 71.

Becca D wants to read this diary. That is where I draw the line. Oh wait, no, she only wants to start her own.

I am reading Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel at the moment, it's really really good so far.

--Lauren

PS Kurt Cobain was not the first person to say "I hate myself and I want to die."

LATER Haha... I get turned on by the strangest things