Don't you just love finding out what people actually think about you? You know, those things they say when you're not there. Someone mentions me and someone doesn't know who I am so they say either 'Oh! the tall skinny one' or 'Oh! the slutty one'. I feel so great about myself now. Though I already knew that people thought I was a bit on the slutty side, but now half of 3rd form think it too, thanks in large part to the fact that they all like Brady.

Speaking of which, he wasn't even fucking well at school. I dragged my ass to school and he wasn't even there!

I had a pretty horific day, actually. In PE my good friend, who wasn't doing PE either, and I got to talking and guess what? She cuts herself, she who told everyone and got pissed off at me for cutting coz she hated me doing it, she thought it was terrible, the worst fucking thing in the whole world.

And now she does it.

Fucking hell!

I now know 11 people at my school who do it (1 3rd former, 1 6th former, 2 5th formers, 6 4th formers and myself). She says she knows at least 6 others who I don't know about... off the top of her head. Jared knows a couple I don't know. It is so fucking sad! Cutting (and self-injury, in general) are disgusting, fucking up, wrong and stupid.

I am such a hypocrite but EXCUSE ME!!!

Talking to Brady yesterday (I got his addy off %%diary-queenquail%% coz Jared wouldn't give me it) I came to the conclusion that he doesn't like me. Ah well, what'd I expect? he's a nice cool guy... why the fuck'd he want a slutty wretch such as myself for more than some hooking up at a party????

STUPID STUPID STUPID

From about 3rd spell (PE) till the end of the day I was completly out of it, I was not feeling a thing.

Not. A. Thing.

In science (4th) I went off to the toilets and stared at myself for a while, I didn't recognise myself. I has no expression, tried to smile and failed dismally. I took this metal rod off of the top of the mirror and bashed my arm with it. It hurt for about a split second.

w00t

Then I went down to the other toilets to see if there was a decent weapon down there and I ran into Alice on the way there... methinks I did a good job of faking.

Got down to the other toilets and had a go at my left hand with this bit of plastic and make it bleed a little.

When I got back to science my friend from PE gave me a *look*. Her problem. Not mine.

Got home and I am so glad that mum is asleep, I cannot be bothered faking around her. No point.

A while ago (14th July, to be precise) I thought that mum had taken the hair thinner blade thing out of the cupboard and put it in her room coz she'd found out I was cutting with it. But, no. I found it at the back of the cupboard when I was getting tiger liniment yesterday.

Tempting...

Flag.

Heehee... Alex said that Will called me a slut behind my back... this is what Will had to say about it:

He spent his whole being too young ,to live the life thats in his dreams says:

i will admit that sometimes you get to me but i wont call you a slut

He spent his whole being too young ,to live the life thats in his dreams says:

sometimes bitch and fucking scary

He spent his whole being too young ,to live the life thats in his dreams says:

but thats all

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*thumbs up*

S'ok though, I know I am a fucking scary skanky bitch....

I'm over it...

Besides, you're only young once (despite what Botox ads may tell you) and I plan to make the most of it...

But then I'll prolly never be old...

:( I wanna change. I am useless... rah

Mother fucking peice of shit...

My screen name is "xXx.cut.me.up.and.bleed.me.dry.xXx"

Will is being nice to me again *smiles*... actually, he's being rational...

He spent his whole being too young ,to live the life thats in his dreams says:

and you cant be a slut cause who have you hooked up with since me

He spent his whole being too young ,to live the life thats in his dreams says:

like 2 or 3 guys in like 7 months

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Enough said by me,

--Lauren